Love and Relationships

What I learned from single life

One of the best things a person can do to better themselves for a relationship is to first learn to be alone and to embrace it. Now I know this might sound crazy to some. You might be thinking….. How is me being by myself going to help me when I get someone in my life ?!

I’m going to get a bit personal for a minute. I was once one of those girls who hated to be alone. My friends would tease me that I would not stay single long and they had every right to tell me about myself because it was very true ! At the time I didn’t understand. “I want a relationship so why not actively seek one” was my response . 

Now when I say I jumped in and out of relationships it wasn’t every week I had a new bae. But I wasn’t giving myself the proper amount of time in between these long term relationships to properly heal and get to know myself. In 2014 I got out of a 3 year relationship and began dating someone right away and it eventually turned into a relationship. When that relationship ended in late 2016 emotionally and mentally I just could even handle the thought of being in another relationship right away. This could have been the best thing for me because I have learned so much from just taking a step back.

What I have learned ….


 Your standards rise

When you finally are content with being single you will not be so anxious to jump into a relationship.  Sometimes we are so desperate to fill that void and rush to have someone in your life that we begin to “conveniently” overlook certain things in potential partners. When are content with being by yourself your standards begin to tighten because you’re in no rush. You know what you deserve and what you want and since you are already in a happy content place you don’t feel that need to bend your rules just to have someone in your life again.  Your not overcome by that fear of being alone that says ok I know this person might not be right but at least its better than being alone.

 You become less “needy” when you do enter into a relationship.

If you have ever been called clingy or needy while in a relationship some forced time alone might do wonders for you.  You can not constantly be under your lover because you do not have on which causes you to find other outlets to fill your time. This maybe spending more times with friends that you may have been previously neglecting or learning to appreciate more time with yourself.  I began to enjoy and appreciate my alone time more and learned to enjoy doing activities alone that I usually would not. When you learn to appreciate your world outside of being in a relationship some of these habits will carry over. Yes you will love spending time with your love but if they are busy you will not feel like its the end of the world because you have your own things going on.

 If you are not able to be a happy single you will not be able to be happy taken.

When you learn to enjoy your own company you begin to comfortable doing things alone and you appreciate your solidarity. You have to be happy with yourself and not base your happiness off of who may or may not be in your life. You have to learn what makes you happy and learn how to make yourself happy instead of going out searching for someone to do this for you.

While you are single this is a great time to work on “loving and learning you”. This is probably the best part of being single. The time you spend alone where you get to really focus on getting to know yourself all over again. You get a chance to evaluate who you are solo and who you are while you were in a relationship and figure which qualities about yourself during each of these periods you like and which qualities you need to let go to overall make yourself a better individual and when that time comes again a good partner. 

These are just a few of things I have learned so far as well as things that I have struggled with in my former relationships. Everyone’s journey is different and everyones’ lesson will be different. But without being open to the idea and trying to be positive you might miss out on the opportunity to make a bad situation into one you can truly learn and grow from. So if you are single now or maybe in a situation where you are ready to walk away but are afraid to be alone keep in mind that it could really all be for the best. Being alone can be a good thing if you keep an open mind and focus more on the learning process and time for reinvention.