Love and Relationships

I broke my own heart – (Relationship Self Destruction)

Something about him drew me in. He was so much different than the others. Something about him calmed my spirit and made me giggle like a teenage school girl. Just the way he said my name would give me chills and set my soul on fire. When I was in his prescene I felt warm like I was just where I belonged. He charmed his way into my life and softened my heart. He knew to say the right things to make me feel beautiful and special. 

I let my guard down. But I began to think maybe too soon. 

Things were moving a bit fast. I could see myself with him and started romanticizing a future with him.  

We laid down, he had his arms wrapped around me holding me close as I took everything in and took breaths in I could smell his scent. The same scent that would remind me of him and make me miss him when he wasn’t around but somehow made me feel closer to him. The moment felt to good and although I should of just been appreciating the safety of being in his arms subconsciously I was terrified.  Terrified of something real , terrified of falling hard for someone again. 

Somehow in that moment I started a fight. I did not realize it at the moment but I was being self destructive. And it wasn’t the first time I had done this with him before and the last time it happened I had a long talk with my best friend. Nikki you tend to get arguementative when you get insecure. Our arguement spilled over to the next day and night mainly because I kept egging it on and it got to the point of us not knowing how to fix things. 

Sometimes we cause are own hearts to be broken by letting our insecurities get the best of us. He never did anything to hurt me but I was so afraid of just being happy that I unknowingly found a way to tear us apart. A person can truly care about you but you are the one that comes between the two of you. 

When it comes to self destructive behavior in a relationship you have to remember that you deserve the happiness and treatment that the other person is providing you with and there is no reason to be so suspicious of someone treating you right. Do not ruin your own happiness. 

                                                           – Nikki

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